uhh...

well i've been getting better days lately. aside from not getting enough sleep, my life's getting better. lol. i didnt have practice on monday, wednesday and today. yay. aha. we just did drill downs during practice on tuesday. i won my first drill down and saved my rank from doing 64 killers. ahah. it was really funny watching everyone else do it. then yesterday, i went to the americana with jessica and alexis. it was okay. i bought this really cute shirt from forever 21. there were so many cute things, i wish i had more money. lol. i told them about my boy issues. and dude, alexis gives really good advice. idk. boys are really gay. OHH. i'm going to winter formal. yay. it was about to get cancelled cause no one was going so drill is being forced to go. i'm kind of excited cause its like my first dance. well. idk. i have to go now. i have to take my chemistry test for wigger during zero. agh. i'm scared. i don't understand anything in that class. i should really pay attention more. lol. well peace !

nanay mo.

glendale regionals are tomorrow and we've pretty much been setting up this WHOLE week ! everyday in zero, first and after school, all we did was paint posters. it's been pretty boring until today. today was soooo FUNNY. okay so today when i got to school i finished the one big poster that me and sarah started on tuesday. lol. it took us three freakin days to finish that thing. it turned out really cute though. we were excused from second and third period so i didnt really do anything. we watched all male and coed perform third period for the incoming freshmen. OHH. and the incoming freshmen looked at me like i was an alien or something. ahaha. i wonder if i did that when i was in eighth grade. anyways, i didnt feel like going to fourth or fifth period cause i didnt do my homework for those classes so i just stayed in the lower dance room. steph said that there was a lot of posters that needed to be done so i decided to make another big one. i went to get lunch with stephanie before the lunch bell rang so there wouldnt be a line. then i ate... lol. i convince sarah not to go to fifth cause i needed help with my poster. i'm such a bad influence. ahaha. we worked on the poster during fifth. stephanie was telling random jokes she was reading on her phone. lol. they were pretty funny. i went to sixth cause i didn't want to leave nareh by herself in math and cause i actually did the homework for that class. but you know what happened ? i apparently left it at home. agghh. but i copied someone's before mrs. arakelian checked mine. lol. after class, me and nareh went back to the dance room.

when we walked in there were popeye boxes everywhere. it turned out that sarah and the others went to popeyes during sixth. damn it! i shouldnt stayed, huh ? we finished the big poster. i was surprised it took us like a couple hours and not days. and this one was cute too. woohoo. my poster skills have been getting better. anyways, so i did other little posters while other people were like setting up the places. stephanie said taht they needed more big posters so i volunteered to make one. she said that they need to be really fast though. so i tried it. nareh found out that jessica wasn't filipino was all shocked. then we started talking about like race and stuff. nareh thought that "nanay mo" meant fuck you. and me, sarah, and martin made it like our new slogan. OMGGG. how funny. and nareh couldn't get over the fact that jessica wasn't filipino. i couldn't stop laughing. then we finished the big poster. and it only took us like 2 hours. and it actually wasnt that bad. before we left, hayley tried speaking tagalog too. and she's actually not that bad. she looks like the type of person that can learn like so many languages.

well anyways, today was a loooongggg day. woke up at 6 and stayed at school until ten. WOW. i'm so tired. i have to wake up at 5 tomorrow so i'm gonna go. peace.

just keep going.

worst competiton i've ever competed at. cried like a baby after. and it was valentines day :[

i went on with the rest of the day trying to forget what had just happened. i ate, i laughed, i watched some performances, and i tried to have fun. that wasnt a total fail. i DID have fun. i DID laugh. and i ate the best hotdog i've eaten in a long time. me and fiona also found the cutest asian boy. his name was like takahashi or something. he was so adorable. our goal is talk to him next competition. and we will. at the drill down i also got pretty far. i think i was like in the top 15. it was the farthest i've ever gone. i was so nervous i wasnt thinking. i could only hear my heart beating faster and louder with each command she gave. it's okay. next time i'm going to get farther.

the hardest things

i've heard many times that life was't easy and we have to work to get what we want. but what if you work and work and get no where ? what do you do then ? do you keep working or just give up ?

i've given everything i had and didnt have to something i thought would make me feel accomplished and something that i thought was worth it. but lately, i've been getting different opinions. i lost a lot because i thought that one day, i'm going to look back and say it was worth it. honestly, all i feel right now is regret. i hurt myself physically but kept going, pretending that i didnt feel anything and now all that pain is coming back through my emotions and it hurts sooo much more. its at the point where i have to force myself to smile, and be happy. sometimes, i sit and think and just want to break out in tears but i hold it back. i honestly don't think that anyone understands how bad i feel right now. some people are just handed and rewarded things that they don't deserve while others are practically killing themselves for the same position. i guess life just isnt fair that way. you know what i feel is the worst part ? when you see your friends and you know they feel bad for you. i don't want anyone to feel bad for me! i want them to look at me the same way they looked at me before this whole scenario happened. i want them to help me forget about it, not remember it even more. and sometimes i feel like they even talk about it behind my back. its just annoying.

so yeahh. life isnt fair and easy. and you don't always get what you want or deserve. but i'm going to keep moving forward and one day, i will get what i deserve. i will be happy. someday, everything will all work out. the hard part is now, and the future can only get better.