the hardest things

i've heard many times that life was't easy and we have to work to get what we want. but what if you work and work and get no where ? what do you do then ? do you keep working or just give up ?

i've given everything i had and didnt have to something i thought would make me feel accomplished and something that i thought was worth it. but lately, i've been getting different opinions. i lost a lot because i thought that one day, i'm going to look back and say it was worth it. honestly, all i feel right now is regret. i hurt myself physically but kept going, pretending that i didnt feel anything and now all that pain is coming back through my emotions and it hurts sooo much more. its at the point where i have to force myself to smile, and be happy. sometimes, i sit and think and just want to break out in tears but i hold it back. i honestly don't think that anyone understands how bad i feel right now. some people are just handed and rewarded things that they don't deserve while others are practically killing themselves for the same position. i guess life just isnt fair that way. you know what i feel is the worst part ? when you see your friends and you know they feel bad for you. i don't want anyone to feel bad for me! i want them to look at me the same way they looked at me before this whole scenario happened. i want them to help me forget about it, not remember it even more. and sometimes i feel like they even talk about it behind my back. its just annoying.

so yeahh. life isnt fair and easy. and you don't always get what you want or deserve. but i'm going to keep moving forward and one day, i will get what i deserve. i will be happy. someday, everything will all work out. the hard part is now, and the future can only get better.