<3

"go after her. fuck, don't sit there and wait for her to call. go after her because that's what you should do if you love someone. don't wait for them to give you sign `cause it might never come. don't let people happen to you, don't let me happen to you, or her, she not a fucking television show or tornado. there are people i might have loved had they gotten on the airplane or run down the street after me or called me up drunk at four in the morning because they need to tell me right now and because they cannot regret this and i always thought i'd be the only one doing crazy things for people who would never give enough of a fuck to do it back or act like idiots or be entirely vulnerable and honest and making someone fall in love with you is easy and flying 3000 miles on four days notice because you can't just sit there and do nothing and breathe into telephones is not everyone's idea of love. but it is the way i can recognize it because that is what i do. go scream it and be with her in meaningful ways because that is beautiful and that is generous and that is what loving someone is. that is raw and that is unguarded and that is all that is worth anything, really."

it's complicated and confusing and some parts of it doesn't make sense. but the overall meaning of it is sweet and true. and that's what love is.

crap.

so today was registration and i got my schedule. ehh. i like it. but im pretty sure they're going to change it again. there's less than a week left before school and im like screwed ! i have so much homework to do. shit. after i got my schedule, mabelle hooked us with a WHOLE box of pizza ! lol. me and sarah took "wannabe" pictures. lol. we took beezy, ghetto and scene pictures. they're pretty funny.

im excited for school, but not really. theres going to be so much that's going to be different and im kind of scared. i feel like im starting high school for the first time. honestly, im REALLY scared.

as lame and boring and gay and stupid this summer was. i think that its been the most life changing one. i really dont know what it was about this summer, but i realized that i've changed. i hope its for the better.

ohhh. i watched the time traveler's wife a couple days ago. its pretty good. its a great romance movie. you should watch it with your significant other... or whoever. lol. either way, im sure you'll like it.

I HATE YOUUUU !

i REALLY do.
i hope you have miserable life, asshole !
cause you made mine hell.

lameee

so today, me and sarah met up with bryan and paulo at the americana and we pretty much just made videos all day. we look stupid and retarded in these videos. but hey, we had fun (:



theres more at www.youtube.com/user/janelleeex3
hahaha. we are so stupid !

and we saw the kogi truck ! haha. we wanted to eat but the line was freakin long. and we had to leave already. lol





anyways, i dont know. drama, drama, drama. i feel like the whole world is against me right now. man. this sucks. but i just gotta keep going. let's see what happens next.

hello,

well all i really want to do is love you
a kind much closer than friends use
...

and i will find a way to you if it kills me

OUCHHH !

damn, things are not going so well for me right now. i mean yeah, my life has never been perfect but i dont think i've ever felt this horrible before. well it started about a month ago. people do things without realizing that its hurting someone else. i dont think they were doing it intentionally, but it was pretty obvious that it was stupid. i guess its my fault for never saying anything about it, but i was just kind of hoping that they'd know what they were doing was wrong without me having to mention it. but i guess they never noticed and everyday, it just kept getting worse. well there's nothing i can do about it now, i guess =/

today, i found out some interesting news. damn, i dont want to say names. but like it hurts how i really thought these people were my friends and they backstabbed me just like that. i still cant believe what they did to me. great friends they turned out to be.

life at home sucks too. i'm like a slave here. today my mom woke me up at nine o`clock to do the dishes. dishes that HER guests ate from last night! i just keep getting yelled at and lectured. i hate being home. but its not like they let me out.

there was an ashley tisdale concert at the americana. i'm so damn short. i was being squished and dude, some people really need to take showers or buy deoderant cause they freakin STANK ! afterwards, i hung out with bryan, baby martin, julian, pow, sarah, yvonne, francis, julian's brother and martin's cousin. well for like a little bit. it was fun. i miss them.



ohhh. and seth bailey hooked me up with some tollhouse cookies and ice cream. thanks seth :)



i hope life gets better soon.. its not like it can get worse. the people closest to your heart are the people who can really hurt you the most. i just wish that they didnt do all at the same time. just smile and act like everythings okay. it will be, eventually.